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Seven signs that you’ve been spending too much time playing shooters.

1. You are at the supermarket. Someone gets to the last frozen pizza before you. You call them “a camping bastard”.

2. You notice a discoloured carpet tile, so you stomp on it in case it’s a pressure pad for opening  a secret area.

3. When you spot a CCTV camera, you flinch in case it’s directing a gun turret.

4. At work, your boss asks why you’re not getting as good results as your colleague. You explain that this is only because he’s got a lower ping than you.

5. You visit the Sistine Chapel at the Vatican. Staring up at Michelangelo’s handiwork on the ceiling, you are moved to remark: “Mmm. Nice textures.”

6. You’re watching Match of the Day. Man United notch up another bloody victory. You shout at the telly and accuse them of using bots.

7. Your girlfriend turns up wearing a different dress. You say: “Hey, I dig the new skin.”